Shifter not a SHITTER

Your face says "I'm a JERK" but your smile reads "I'm not that much of an asshole" is what's rummaging on my mind while sharing the occasional waiter/client dialogue at my usual burger place! (now you're trying to guess which one it is, don't sweat IT). It's not too exclusive, but today it has the perfect ambient. A throwback vibe to the old hormonal life stage as (The Anthem by Good Charlotte) plays in the background. Meanwhile, discussing the texture and softness of our BUNS (no pun intended, to which my friend says: "you have very fine BUNS there". (wink, wink).

Suddenly I'm not only trying to play mind games with the waiter and share hysterical laughs with my company for the afternoon. Faith, luck, or whatever it is you believe in feels like having some FUN too! A text of an unrecognized number comes in, it reads- "hey buddy I can't come in next week, I don't want another shifter, would you cover for me?" Might I add that somehow my mind read (shitter) and not shifter! Usually I would've responded with a "sorry you have the wrong number." But wait a minute, not this time, (nah-uh). Remember, the ambient was perfect and I felt like playing mind games! (insert your best evil laugh). Yes, I am aware that at this point you probably think I'm horrible! To provide you with what happened next: I'll exemplify the conversation. (You're welcome)!

ME: sorry buddy, you have the wrong number

SHITTER: Oh yeah, buddy?

ME: I'm dead serious! Good day. (I am too polite to strangers sometimes). OOPS

SHITTER: Oh, I'm sorry you're dead.

-At this point I find myself totally amused but decide that my burger is indeed 10 times more savory and have given up texting with MR. SHITTER. ... 

He texted 3 minutes later!- Insisting he is: he was trying to get me to confess that I was not a bad human being attempting to play with his feelings OR for that matter, a bad joke, (he still had hopes that "I" was the buddy he was looking for, refusing to believe he either jotted the number wrong or his "buddy" wasn't too available to newcomers.

If I must, I'll admit there were no surrounding feelings of remorse for the SHITTER in my aura. I am not a bad person HERE.. I repeat- the ambient was great and I felt like playing (so I did). All while across from me my friend is begging me to stop this stranger such a hard time. He sees that I have obeyed and gives me the "BAD GIRL" look.

The waiter cashes us out and before letting us part, flashes the "I'm sorry for being a jerk face attitude smile. I mentally respond, "Women, also have the asset of being smart".  

©  Alyssa Cardona