Obstacles, labels and moving forward-

As humans we all have those small instances where we doubt ourselves. 

We doubt wether we have chosen the right path in life or the right career; if we are doing things right or just going through the stages because that is the pattern that has been modeled for us.

We might feel stuck or trapped, we might not always have a clear judgement but that is all vital in life. 

Success as we know it is what many of us yearn for, but I ask you. ¿what is success? ¿Is it waking up everyday in a different city? ¿Is it being among the top 10 of your graduating class, or is it simply being happy? 
Truth is, I can't tell you what it is, because I am still trying to discover it. 
Clearly your idea of success differs from mine, and that's okay.  I mean why would I judge you for having a different perspective from mine?

As a young child I was enrolled or as I say "fixed" into what are known as Special Ed classes. The reasons why, I have decided to omit. I recall always being treated differently, and what I mean by differently is this: I was reinforced for good work with candy, progress notes, books, etc.. I used the word (fixed) because I never really embraced the term. I saw it as a label, a label which automatically separated me from the rest of the students and quite frankly I didn't like that. I couldn't appreciate the fact that every time I walked into a classroom my teachers already knew I was entitled to certain "accommodations".

Now don't get me wrong, I am forever indebted with the numerous wonderful teachers I had, because thanks to them all I discovered that limitations and having a label does not define you. They challenge you every day and they build you up. (So, if one of you comes across this do know that I appreciate you dearly)!!!

I won't disclose every challenge I faced but I'll tell you how it helps me now whenever I feel doubtful of taking steps forward. 

All through elementary and up to 5th grade I would attend bilingual classes (I.e, English & Spanish). It's not that I wasn't or am not proud of speaking my first language, but something  told me becoming part of the monolingual program would be of great benefit. And of course, with benefit comes great effort. My objective was to express myself well in the English language (that would be the benefit)! Thought I am not anywhere near being an expert and I learn daily, I do believe my English progress is in great part due to those courses. When the day came and I was notified  I'd be admitted to those classes, I screamed of happiness! 

I was moving forward!

As I entered HS, I walked in with two goals:
1) To GRADUATE 
2) To expunge myself from resource classes (a.ka. Spec. Ed) 

Of those two goals I accomplished only ONE; I graduated and that was enough for me. 
Yes, I was disappointed that I wasn't able to expunge myself from resource classes, but I understood that I had tried the best I could and that not everything will always go as planned or hoped for. 

Then came the next stage (COLLEGE). Upon entering college I realized I had before me another opportunity and this time I wasn't going to conform myself, no matter what. 
The college wanted to keep providing me with the resources and accommodations that I had throughout my education and I proudly declined them ALL. Yes, you read right! 
I declined them all because I knew I didn't need them. I was certain that I could do the tasks assigned and that I wanted to move forward. In truth I was tired of having that label next to my name. I kissed it goodbye and said "label you are not a part of me any longer, someone else might need you". 

I was happily in sync with everyone at the college and was doing great. There were indeed times were I struggled, but c'mon who doesn't struggle as a student? 

At this point you must wondering what is the reason for me to be sharing this and why I even took the time to lay this out. Along the way I was laughed at and told I ought to be ashamed of being labeled, and yes that was probably one thing that contributed to the fact that I didn't want to be labeled or treated differently. In other words I used that as a motivation to be BETTER, to CONFIDE in myself and to BELIEVE in change. 

Every time I am faced with doubts, fears and another obstacle comes wandering my way I take a moment to breathe, reflect on all I have done and it gives me strength and courage to grab the bull by its horns. 

If this serves as a reflection or speaks to someone then so be it and I can only feel nothing but proud.

© Alyssa Cardona